Forget christmas spirit. The scene at Selfridges on boxing day was more reminiscent of the Hillsborough disaster than a department store sale, with people clambering over each other to grab the first ill-fitting garment that made it into their peripheral vision. Sure, I can remember being 15 and the joys of blowing all my christmas money on cut price designer gear or something of the sort, but as I stood there wedged between a rudeboy and a grandma all I could think was: Why the fuck would you want to do this?
10 Reasons Why You Should Never Ever Ever Bother With The Sales
1. Because you'll probably never wear that shitty t-shirt one size too big.
2. Because that 16 year old chav over there with his hood up and hand down his pants will be wearing that same t shirt in a weeks time.
3. Because after you hit 18, there is a wonderful thing called debt which allows you to purchase goods at full price whenever you want. Fuck the system, go nuts.
4. Because all the good stuff is usually gone after the first day, and the first day also brings out the most blood-thirsty, mentally unstable 'bargain hunters' who WILL fuck you up for those half price jeans.
5. Because that gang behind you has probably just stolen your wallet.
6. Because by buying that shiny silver jacket for 50% off, you are paying for the rest of it with your dignity.
7. Because no one likes desperation. It's awkward. Save it for the mid life crisis.
8. Because you see that last bargain pair of jeans you bought one size too small, when you managed to squeeze into them holding your breath? Have fun wearing them on an daily basis.
9. Because sales assistants will think and treat you like you're the spawn of satan. Thats right, THE SCUM OF THE EARTH.
10. Because sale purchases will not change your life. No matter what Selfridges says.
Shop at your peril.
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